come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
