my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
