So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
