I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
