I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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