well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
