11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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