so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
