this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
