Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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