drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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