Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
