think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
