I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
