I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
