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Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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