one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
