hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
