im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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