I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
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