No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
