Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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