Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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