i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
