I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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