We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
