I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
