question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
