onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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