We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
vagina is talking i cant
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
