so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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