My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
