you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
