I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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