Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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