I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
