You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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