I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
