So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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