if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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