And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
