But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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