Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
