My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
