Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
