Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
