DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
