Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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