I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
