There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
