good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
