When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Two words: blizzard sex
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
