I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
